


it was a long time coming (but still too fast)

by acumirklis



Series: Aisle of Poppies [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Feelings Realization, Late Night/Early Morning Feels, M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, love or host, these streams were stressful y’all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26413597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acumirklis/pseuds/acumirklis
Summary: After all the adrenaline from the night wears off, George finally allows himself to think about everything that happened in the last few hours, and it brings him to a crushing realization.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Aisle of Poppies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920604
Comments: 38
Kudos: 335





	it was a long time coming (but still too fast)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Just a little heads up, English is not my first language so please excuse if there's any mistakes in it.
> 
> I wrote this randomly and because I haven't written anything in quite a while, this might be a little rusty haha.
> 
> But watching those streams really inspired me to create this so here it is, take it or leave it~
> 
> Disclaimer: If either George or Dream decide to no longer be comfortable with stories being written about them, this will of course be deleted right away. Please be respecful of them and each other <3
> 
> I personally believe George was just really tired, both mentally and physically, which is the reason why he seemed a little off or sad during the stream, but my brain still thought up a very colorful scenario, so this is the result.
> 
> Please enjoy <3 Thank you for reading, kind stranger <3

"I hate the loud noise every time I end my stream, okay, it's fine, bye!", George said before promtly, and finally, ending the three hour long stream.

He sat back in his chair and rubbed his tired eyes. A yawn escaped his mouth and he sighed deeply.

George just sat there, for a good while, trying to process everything that happened in the past few hours. He was both physically and mentally exhausted, and all he longed for was to finally be able to get a lick of sleep.

He walked over to his bed and quickly changed his clothes before hopping in and covering himself with his blanket. The lights were turned off and the room was filled with nothing but George's quiet breathing and the distant sounding noises of cars outside his window.

As he lied there, George's mind started drifting off to what happened earlier, and with a frown he realized that sleep wouldn't be an option for at least a little while longer.

Sighing, George thought back to his time at Love or Host. Of course, intially it was awkward, given how he himself was still slightly uncomfortable with the idea of being in a call with a bunch of strangers, all trying to technically compete for both his love and clout. Really, George knew that that was going to happen, but he started to feel more off when he realized that even after hours, he still didn't feel comfortable enough to be fully himself. It was odd, because the atmosphere was seemingly nice and all the girls were very sweet, and Austin made sure to keep the show entertaining. And yet, George felt weird.

_____

When Dream joined, he felt a little more relieved, because he finally had someone he felt fully comfortable with. He found himself a little more open and he joked a little more easily, and it seemed like Dream boosted the conversations and laughs as well, not to mention the chat going absolutely wild.

It really was interesting, and as more people were brought in and weird or awkward questions were thrown his way, George thought that he should be starting to feel less on edge, but for some reason he still felt like he had to have his defenses up. Not to mention, the worst part about it was that he felt guilty about eliminating girls, but at the same time George found that he didn't seem to care all that much. It was hard, because it wasn't like he had one person that stood out more than another, they all were kind of on the same level for him, and that made it all the harder for George to pick, because what if he eliminates someone that he actually would have gotten along with best?

As the stream went on, George realized more and more that there was no real spark there. The overall situation was confusing and irritating to George, because even though the girls were trying their best to impress him and spark a connection, it just didn't feel truly...genuine. More than anything, it was awkward and uncomfortable, and sometimes George wished he could just call it all off. There was an air of weirdness around the stream, and George figured it was because they obviously didn't know each other yet and it was a given for the awkward first date atmosphere to be present, but George's gut still told him that it just didn't feel right.

_____

In the end, George chose Minx, because to him, she seemed the most genuine and interesting girl on the call. He was, however, aware of the lack of excitement he felt, but before he could think of it any further he brushed it off and concentrated on what was happening on screen. It was fine for there to not be an immediate intense attraction, he knew, so he just tried his best to drown out the doubts beginning to cloud his mind.

_____

Their date went pretty well, both him and Minx were having fun and the chat was absolutely loving it, no wonder, Minx was being adorable and George started to feel a little better because she was very easy to talk to. As they played and George showed her around the Minecraft world, he again tried to shake the feeling of _this is not right._

George was enjoying himself, but he didn't have that same carefree feeling he usually had when playing with his friends. He figured it was because him and Minx didn't know each other well enough yet, but at the same time he found himself wondering if he'd even want to get to know her more.

_____

When she spat on him, George acted shocked and played up the bit even though he knew it was just a joke. Yet, part of him was a little disappointed. Maybe it was the high expectations he had before going to the show? Did he actually think he was going to find his soulmate or something silly like that? George figured that that was the case, because why else would he feel this uncomfortable tightness and disappointment at how things went?

_____

When Dream joined his stream, George started to get his spirits up, but in the end Dream teamed up with Andrea and again, for some reason, George felt disappointment. It was odd, how the feeling seemed to get stronger the more Dream actually interacted with her instead of him. It was probably because he was in a weird mood and had expected Dream to just casually play Minecraft with him after the date, but instead his friend brought in someone else. George then thought if it might be because Andrea wasn't paying much attention to him and if it bothered him in some way, but it was a little ridiculous because he didn't care about who she paid her attention to, anyways.

Yet, the longer he streamed, George started to realize that it was actually Dream's behavior that slightly bothered him. Why was Dream _this_ weird? It seemed like he was not paying George any mind and was having a lot more fun interacting with Andrea. Part of George knew it was stupid to think this way, Dream was his best friend and just because he met someone else didn't mean he'd suddenly stop hanging out with George, but another told him that the way Dream acted and talked with Andrea was peculiar.

The thing was, Andrea was very nice and George liked her well enough, but another part of him was slightly jealous of her currently possessing Dream's undivided attention, and that realization alone was enough to make George frown. What the hell was going on now?

_____

Time went on and George's tiredness started messing with his feelings even more, and he found that he was beginning to get sadder. It was weird, really, because there was no real reason to be, but somehow his mood was down, even when the whole thing was just a joke. Maybe part of him took it too seriously? He couldn't seem to figure it out.

Sapnap joined in and it was all fun and games, they played with Andrea and she made the stream more interesting. The chat was divided into people simping and people being absolutely toxic, and George's mood got even worse because of all the toxicity thrown Andrea's way.

Time passed and it was already early in the morning and George still felt confused and his mood wasn't getting any better. He thought about ending the stream so he could sleep off whatever it was that he was feeling, but everyone was enjoying themselves and he couldn't bring himself to end it just yet. People started spamming for him to go to sleep, but something kept George from ending the stream.

_____

When he gave Dream the poppy and got no reaction at all, George felt that same crushing disappoinment stricken his chest. Why was it such a big deal to him? So what if Dream was having fun talking to a girl? George voted her out, so there was no way him being salty in any way could be justified. 

_____

When George 'sacrificed himself' in the fire and Dream didn't acknowledge it either, he felt defeated. Even the chat joked about him not noticing, and George found himself saying that same thing out loud, too, chuckling, but he sounded defeated.

The more time passed the more George realized that he should definetely go to bed because his feelings were confusing the shit out of him. The whole Love or Host stream was weird in the first place, but what was weirder was how much Dream's behavior seemed to bother him.

When Dream joked about George not choosing him and breaking his heart, George said that he wasn't a contestant, and as he kept saying it he tried to drown out the small voice telling him that he wished Dream would have been one. But what would George have done anyways? Kept Dream until the end? Then what would have been the purpose of the entire thing if he was just going to choose a friend on a show about dating?

George's eyelids were getting heavy and so was his heart, he really needed to sleep so his brain would function normally the next day, or the same day, rather.

He ended the stream and sat there, in front of his computer, for five minutes, just staring.

There was something heavy in his chest and if George wasn't so tired he would have gotten angry at how _confusing_ and ridiculous all this was.

He snapped out of it and stared at his discord where all three of his friends had sent him a message.

**Sapnap**

_hey buddy, just checking if you're good. I know everything's a joke and all and you're tired but just wanted to make sure._

**BadBoyHalo**

_hi george are you okay? you seemed kind of down, just let me know if you need anything. love you, man, get a good night's rest! <3_

**Dream**

_hey george just making sure you're not upset or anything, I noticed you looked like you were zoning out a few times. let's talk this through tomorrow, yeah? crazy stream, man. it was fun, though._

This did earn a tired smile from George, his friends were so caring. He decided to go to bed, but as he was trying to fall asleep he figured that he wasn't able to.

That awful feeling in his chest just didn't leave and it was starting to frustrate him. Why was all of it so weird? Why did the stream make him feel this odd way? 

His mind kept drifting off to Minx, but also Dream and Andrea. He really hoped that Minx knew this was a joke, but when he thought about it, was it a joke to George? As much as he knew she didn't mean any harm, he still felt slightly disappointed with the outcome of their date. What had he hoped for? A date where he'd get to feel so comfortable and happy with her that he'd love to get to know her on a deeper, more personal level? Because as things were now, he didn't feel any desire to get to know her intimately. So yes, he was disappointed, but mostly in his odd lack of interest. 

It had been a while since his last relationship, and as time kept passing George noticed that he was starting to get lonely. Yes, he had amazing friends and a wonderful family, and not to mention a lot of supportive fans. Yet, there was something missing, and in small and quiet moments he'd really get to feel how cold his apartment felt. How empty.

There was yearning in George's heart, he wanted to be able to connect with someone like that, but he realized that it was hard for him to bring himself to even _try._ It was so odd, why was he lacking interest so much? All those girls were absolutely amazing, but he didn't feel a single spark. He picked Minx because he thought she'd be the one he'd get along with best, and it turned out true, but even that was not enough. She was cute, funny and had a genuinely unique personality, but George, again, found that he didn't want to move things any further.

What was the big deal? Of course it can be awkward and weird and uncomfortable to get to know someone, but why was it this hard for George? Why couldn't he seem to bring himself to have any interest in any girl he met? Throughout the years he met so many special girls with amazing personalities, but he just seemed to lack interest in them all together.

It was confusing, because even though he didn't feel any desire to pursue a relationship with them, he did feel extremely lonely at times, and longed for something this special with someone. His mind was literally divided and he was confused.

His life was going well, the people in his life were amazing. More often than not, George asked himself why he'd even need to be in a relationship when hanging out with his friends filled that lonely void in his heart more than any awkward first dates ever could? 

Especially with Dream. Of course, because Dream was George's best friend and had been with him for so long already. Whenever George talked to Dream, he felt so happy and whole and it was so easy to forget that nagging loneliness that was trying to surface any chance he found himself alone with his thoughts.

Dream was amazing in every way, and George wished he'd be able to see him everyday. When they first met up because of the whole deal with Wilbur, George was nervous because he was worried that it might be weird for them to interact in person. There was a slight, initial awkwardness, but they immediately fell back into their natural bickering and George felt more alive than he had in months. Dream was truly amazing, and George found himself longing to listen to his friend's laugh, hear his ridiculous jokes and he longed for Dream's attention on him.

Oh well, that was weird...was that normal to want your friend's attention this badly? Surely George wanted to hang out with Dream more than the girls because he knew Dream best and was comfortable with him?

As he was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, George's mind was racing and he was trying to drown out those small, weird thoughts that started surfacing unanounced.

_I want to talk to Dream._

_I want to laugh with Dream._

_I want to make Dream smile._

_I want to hang out with Dream._

_I want Dream to pay attention to me._

_I want Dream to say all those ridiculous things fans go crazy over. I go crazy over._

_I want to be the cause of Dream's laughter._

_I want to hug Dream again._

_I want to be close to Dream._

_I want to be with Dream._

And George felt like he was the most awake and the most tired simultaneously than ever before. Because what the fuck?

He was so, _so_ confused and his feelings and thoughts were making it worse. He knew all of those things were true, and thinking about them made his heart beat just a little faster.

But all at once, George felt fear. Fear of what all those thoughts meant. They were bordering on dangerous territory, places where it was getting harder and harder to find excuses. What did all of this mean? When had these thoughts started to appear, when did the feelings come into play?

Why now, all of a sudden? Now, that he had actually found someone he might try to work things out with, someone he might learn how to love.

_But you don't want to._

George knew. It was ridiculous, how he was trying to lie to himself still. He knew that he didn't want to, he knew he didn't care about any of those girls enough to try and make things work, try and build something.

There was a lump in George's throat, but he didn't want to cry. What would he be crying for? Literally nothing happened, he went on a dating show, chose a girl, played minecraft with her and that was it. It wasn't that deep, but fuck, his chest was so, so tight.

He hadn't felt this defeated in so long, and it was frustrating because George still had no idea what was going on, why he was feeling this strongly.

Thoughts kept swarming his head and he saw the rays of the sun slowly try to creep through his blinds and light up his room.

His eyes were burning and his head was hurting and yet George couldn't make himself fall alseep, he was defenseless.

It felt like this was a long time coming, but also such a surprise at the same time. What had he been missing, what didn't he pay much attention to before? And why was it surfacing now?

Was it because for the first time, he actually saw Dream interact with another girl that could potentially grow closer to him? Was it the way George knew she was closer geographically to Dream than he was, and how Dream genuinely seemed to want to spend time with her, even after George ended his stream? Was it that, or was George slowly going insane?

George felt the urge to cry when he gradually started to realize that the loneliness in his heart was returning again, and it was making everything so much worse.

He felt pathetic, what was he so heartbroken for? He had no right to be, if anything, he should be happy that Dream found someone he thought was interesting thanks to George, right? But again, his heart didn't really agree with his brain.

 _Follow your heart_ , is what Dream had told George, and he thought that he had. But looking back, his choice was more rational than anything. He didn't have a particular feeling about any girl, or any true, genuine desire to get to know them more, so he just went with whoever he thought would be most fun to hang out with, or the one he thought he'd like to talk to from time to time. George knew that he didn't follow his heart, and it was evident by the way he was still so torn over the whole ordeal. He didn't feel at peace with his choice or even with himself. When he had streamed, it felt like he was just trying so hard to muster up the excitement and giddiness he had previously expected to engulf him when agreeing to attend the show, and when it didn't hit him he felt like he had done something wrong.

George's thoughts didn't help, because he found himself wishing he could talk to someone, anyone, so they could help him figure it out, but what would he even say? That he was disappointed? But in what, that he didn't fall in love with one of the girls right away? If he told anyone, they'd probably just tell him that it was normal and he should just wait and see where things would go, but George didn't want to wait, not when he felt like he knew, deep down, the thing he'd be waiting for would not happen.

It wasn't like George had felt this way all his life. He never had an issue with finding an interest in someone before. When he met his girlfriend, he had been intrigued from the start, and even though they didn't end up working out, he still looked back on their memories together with fondness.

George was beginning to regret agreeing to the show, and it made him feel bad because neither Austin nor those girls did anything wrong, the issue here was with him and not them.

It was George who felt so lonely, even though he had the full attention of multiple women for hours on end. It was George who felt so lonely when thousands of people on the internet reminded him everyday how much they loved him. 

_It was George who felt so lonely anytime Dream paid attention to someone else but him._

And it truly shouldn't have taken George this long to realize, really. He had tried for so long to muster up enthusiasm and interest for someone, when in reality the only one he felt interest for all along was closer to him than he had allowed himself to see. The person that he seemingly never got tired of talking to, and always thought of first to call when something in his life happened, huge or small. The person George wanted to spend all his time with, the person George wanted to be looked at by the most. It was silly, really, how blind he had been, given how it would have probably been so obvious to anyone else.

Dream was always in the back of his mind. Whenever George woke up in the mornings, Dream was the first one he thought of talking to, and he was also the last person he wanted to talk to before going to bed. Dream made him so, so happy and nobody had ever managed to make George feel as comfortable as he did. All their silly jokes, fake flirting and crazy antics never failed to make George feel giddy all over. Dream's intelligence never failed to impress George, and the way he cared never failed to make George smile. Dream was his best friend, he was always there for him, and George could count on him any day. But his heart was yearning for something more than that, and the disappointment tightening George's chest was soon replaced by crushing guilt. 

George felt horrible about himself, why did he have to think of his friend in this way? Why was their already close bond not good enough for him? Why did his heart have to go and complicate things beyond belief?

George didn't even feel any confusion over the fact that he had fallen for a man, really. When he honestly thought about it, George realized that he didn't care at all, Dream could have been any gender, he would have loved him either way.

The sun was shining brightly outside, and George felt too tired to sleep. None of this was truly registering in his head, but at the same time he was all too aware of it.

George's mind was running many miles an hour, and he just wanted those thoughts to shut up. He felt it all, confusion, guilt, fear, disappointment but also delight and a sense of calm, now that he had finally figured it out, at least for the most part.

It felt weird, knowing all of these things he was feeling, and George was too exhausted to even think of all the implications.

It didn't even matter now, did it? It wasn't like Dream was going to magically return those confusing feelings, and the guilt in George's chest grew as he thought about how desperately he wanted him to.

George knew that he'd have to eventually talk about it, he couldn't bottle those feelings up. He knew he'd had them for longer than he realized, but now that he had admitted it to himself he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't yell them out into the world from the top of a building. George needed advice, he needed comfort and reassurance, but most of all he needed to figure out what to do with himself.

George hadn't planned any of this, he hadn't ever expected for the show to turn out this way, for him to be mercilessly confronted with all the feelings he tried to surpress for God knows how long.

How did it happen, when and why? George couldn't think of a single, definite moment. Was it when Dream said 'I love you' for the first time? Was it when he heard Dream wheeze his lungs out? Was it when Dream gave him those ridiculous Minecraft flowers, or was it when they watched the sunset together? Was it when he'd playfully call his name during recordings, or was it when he'd be so sweet and caring when George called him whenever he was feeling down, or maybe it was when they met in real life for the first time? Perhaps it was when he teared up when George got his EnChroma glasses, or was it that stupid interview he did before the show? There were so many instances that George could think of, and so many he never even considered, and it was getting all too much. How long had he felt this way? Recently, a few months, just now or perhaps ever since he first met Dream? 

It was ridiculous, so ridiculous that George couldn't help but let the tears fall. He needed this, so badly, he needed to get rid of those awful, conflicting feelings making it harder for him to breathe and not allowing him to rest.

_____

George didn't know when he fell asleep, but eventually, he did, and he woke up to cheerful messages from his friends and a DM from Minx, and as he sat in front of his computer and started at the screen, George knew that things wouldn't be the same again. He couldn't ignore his feelings any longer, something was bound to change, and he didn't how to feel about it.

George needed to tell Dream, he was aware, but it was all too much, all too raw just yet. He felt so worn out, even after hours of sleep, and wanted nothing more but to go somewhere calm and safe, somewhere quiet, in hopes of figuring it all out in peace.

As George looked through the messages his friends had sent in the group chat, he found himself muster up a small, genuine smile.

Yes, it wasn't going to be exactly the same as before, but nothing much was going to change. He'd still hang out with his friends, he'd still joke and play flirt with Dream, and he'd still get flustered and shy.

But now, saying _I love you_ was going to be even harder than before.


End file.
